Not every person’s childhood is filled with warm hugs, bedtime stories, and unconditional love. Some grow up walking on eggshells, learning survival skills instead of feeling safe and cherished.
And since you’re one of those who had a rough childhood, you might find yourself wondering if those old patterns will creep in, no matter how hard you try.
Take a breather, please. Your past doesn’t have to dictate your future as a parent. You absolutely have the power to create a loving and healthy environment for your kids, even if you didn’t experience that yourself. It takes work, awareness, and a whole lot of heart, but it’s achievable.
In our latest resource The BadPod shares some practical ways you can break the generational trauma and give your child the safe, supportive home you never had.
1 Take an Inventory of Your Parenting Risks
You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge. If you grew up amidst neglect, emotional abuse, addiction, or constant chaos, those experiences shape your parenting instincts.
One study found that mothers who went through traumatic events as kids may be vulnerable to parenting struggles. Those include child neglect, feelings of parenting inadequacy, negative self-perception, and employing tougher or aggressive parenting styles.
So, sit down and think about the patterns you might have absorbed.
Do you struggle with anger because your parents yelled a lot or shut yourself down emotionally because no one ever validated your feelings as a kid? Do you lean toward being too permissive because your parents were overly strict? Write it all down. Get specific.
You might even find that certain behaviors from your kids trigger really big emotional reactions in you. Maybe it’s the whining, the tantrums, or just the noise.
When you can anticipate your triggers, you’re less likely to let them control you. You get to choose a different way.
2 Consider Trauma Therapy
Childhood trauma doesn’t just disappear when you grow up; it follows into adulthood. This lingering trauma may impact your ability to parent the way you want to.
If you experienced emotional abuse, you might struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Trauma therapy can be life-changing. It helps you process deep emotional wounds, so they don’t control your parenting.
A skilled therapist will teach you how to rewire harmful thought patterns and build healthy coping mechanisms.
But for severe trauma, a residential treatment program might be the best option. According to Purpose Healing Center, it can help with PTSD, trauma anxiety disorders, and mood disorders like depression or bipolar disorder.
No matter where you live, a treatment center is available. Take Arizona, for instance. There are 8,923 residential treatment centers for mental health in Arizona.
All these facilities accept Medicaid. Just show you’re diagnosed with a mental health condition and a residential treatment for mental health in Arizona will take you in.
As far as searching for the nearest facility is concerned, Google is your go-to resource. Help is at hand as you can find the best options in just a few clicks if you are internet-savvy.
Whether you’re looking for a center in Phoenix, Scottsdale, or any other city, just type in “residential treatment center near me.” The nearest facilities will appear on your screen within seconds.
Suppose you’re from Scottsdale. To get help for trauma and PTSD in Scottsdale, searching for the best residential treatment center near you will bring up a list of options tailored to your needs.
3 Break the Cycle with Boundaries
If you grew up in a home where boundaries didn’t exist—or were way too strict and suffocating—you might struggle with knowing what’s healthy.
Boundaries are not selfish. They are a way to create safety and respect in your relationships.
A lack of boundaries in childhood can lead to feelings of insecurity, trouble with self-discipline, and difficulty following rules. On the flip side, overly strict boundaries can stifle a child’s independence and lead to resentment.
Healthy boundaries are all about finding that sweet spot—providing structure and expectations while also respecting your child’s needs and individuality.
Have clear rules about behavior, follow through with appropriate consequences, and teach your kids how to express their emotions in healthy ways. Teach them when to say “no”. That will help create a predictable and stable environment where your children feel safe and understand what to expect.
Don’t forget to distance yourself from people who don’t respect you even if they are your parents. If they keep overstepping, it’s okay to limit contact or cut ties entirely.
Self-Care is Essential for Overcoming a Rough Childhood
You don’t owe anyone access to you just because they are family. Protecting your peace is part of breaking the cycle. The more you model healthy boundaries, the more your child will grow up knowing their worth.
Becoming a good mom after a tough childhood is hard. But hard doesn’t mean impossible. It means intentional. It means learning, growing, and being willing to course-correct when you need to.
You are not doomed to repeat the past. You are not your parents. You have the power to raise your kids in a way that breaks cycles and builds something beautiful. And every day you show up and try? That’s proof that you’re already doing better.
Cassia Rowley is the mastermind behind advertising at The Bad Pod. She blends creativity with strategy to make sure ads on our site do more than just show up—they spark interest and make connections. Cassia turns simple ad placements into engaging experiences that mesh seamlessly with our content, truly capturing the attention of our audience.